Supporting Children and Young People Through Bereavement

Children and young people grieve differently from adults, and their grief is shaped by their developmental stage, their understanding of death, the nature of the death, the quality of ongoing support, and the degree to which the surviving adults in their lives are able to model healthy grieving. A common misconception is that children are too young to grieve or that shielding them from the reality of death protects them. In fact, children are acutely attuned to changes in their environment and will fill any information vacuum with their own imagination, which is often more frightening than the truth.

Children under approximately five years of age typically do not understand the permanence, universality, and irreversibility of death. They may ask repeatedly when the person is coming back, or appear unaffected because they have not grasped what has happened. Children between five and nine gradually develop an understanding that death is permanent but may hold magical thinking — believing that the death was somehow caused by something they said, did, or wished. Adolescents understand death intellectually but may struggle with the emotional intensity of grief, sometimes masking their pain behind anger, withdrawal, risk-taking behaviour, or apparent indifference.

Honest, age-appropriate communication is the foundation of supporting a bereaved child. Use clear, concrete language — "Daddy has died, which means his body has stopped working and he cannot come back" — rather than euphemisms such as "gone to sleep," "lost," or "passed away," which can create confusion and fear. Allow children to ask questions and answer them honestly, even when the answers are difficult. It is appropriate to let children see your own grief; this models that sadness is a normal and acceptable response to loss.

Maintaining routine and predictability is important, as the death of a significant person already represents a major disruption to the child's world. Watch for changes in behaviour, sleep, appetite, school performance, or social engagement that may indicate that the child needs additional support. Referral to specialist bereavement services such as Winston's Wish, Grief Encounter, or Child Bereavement UK should be considered if the child shows persistent distress, significant behavioural changes, or signs of traumatic grief.